Coaching 12 to 13-year-olds how to run a leadership meeting

Today I coached a group of four boys ages 12 and 13 with one other adult, Mike. This group was not related to Boy Scouts. The names have been changed to avoid potential embarrassment. The purpose was to conduct a planning meeting and make assignments as needed in 15 minutes or so. Brad's role is to take the meeting minutes. He is13. Allen is the leader of the group and is 13 years old. Allen has two assistant leaders, Dan and David to help advise and make decisions. After the typical goofing around period, they got started. Allen called the group to order, paused, looked directly at me and asked, "What are we supposed to do?" I asked him, "Do you have the sample agendas I gave you last week?" He shook his head no (the meeting had not happened twice already for various reasons). I used the opportunity to point out that an agenda is simply a plan for a meeting to keep you on track. So Mike and I talked about the purposes of the group, and what they need to accomplish. After deciding they wanted to have all 10 boys follow a particular reading program, they were ready to move on. I asked, "Who's going to offer the challenge to the rest of the boys?" Allen looked at Mike and I quizzically and asked, "What you mean?" So we briefly talked about how if everybody thinks somebody will do it nobody will do it, and that making assignments are part of how you delegate responsibilities. They didn't seem to get that, so Mike asked, "Who will ask them to do the reading next week?" Dan asked "what do you mean?" So I told them I would do a role-play. "We'll pretend that Allen assigned me to offer the challenge," I said. Then I proceeded to demonstrate how I might do that. They all seemed to be shaking their heads like they understood better what we meant. So Mike asked, "Okay, so who are you going to assign to ask everybody next week to start the reading program?" Allen said "Oh!" as his body language indicated he got what we meant. Looking at the other three boys, Allen said, "Who would like to volunteer to tell everybody what to read next week?" David volunteered. I held up the reading program, and asked, "Do you think it might help the other boys to have copies of the reading program ready to hand out when you make the challenge?" Allen said, "Yeah." Mike prompted, "Who will you assign to do that?" With great enthusiasm, Allen pointed at me and said, "You will bring the reading program next week!" Mike patiently coached, "Instead of ordering others to do things, you could ask them by saying 'Will you...?'" Allen showing he understood better now turned to me and said more politely, "Will you bring copies of the reading program next week?" "Yes I will," I responded. Mike then followed up,"You see, now he just committed to the assignment." We then moved on to other parts of the meeting. Of course with this age there were the side conversations about sports or other unrelated topics, laughing and joking around. But they started to understand how to do this and had a little bit of practice. Then Mike turned to Brad and asked, "Did you write down the assignments?" Brad protested, "But I don't have a pen or paper!" I handed him both as Mike explained that to do his job he needs to bring paper and pencil or pen. Mike made sure that Brad wrote down the assignments as he explained to all of them, "This way next week, you can ask Brad to pull out the list of assignments so you can follow-up." Allen saw how that could help him and he checked to be sure Brad had the list written. By now 20 minutes were up, people were knocking on the door, and we had to close the meeting. They got some coaching. We'll see how this turns out next week to see if everyone follows through and how they will handle it if not. Keep in mind they are 12 and 13 years old. There's only so much attention span 12 and 13-year-olds are typically going to give to "leadership stuff."

Five Year Old Laments: My sister is making me mad!

Today, my five year old complained while pouting that his teenage sister was making him mad. After a few minutes of asking about situation, it provided opportunity for a hug and a brief conversation about the only one who can decide how you feel is you, not your sister. We also briefly talked about telling her that her actions caused him to feel bad--he was grumpy today.

This was a chance to address emotional intelligence and problem solving (of the conflict resolution variety). Given the ages involved and the normally pleasant disposition of the teen involved, the emotional agency concept was an initial and brief discussion that will need reinforcement later. Today was more on problem solving. Defining the problem is the first step in troubleshooting. Helping the child to state the problem helps them to see next steps in solving it. Of course at this age verbalizing their feelings may need some guiding from the adult.

Nonverbals: When the child knows you care and you stop what you are doing and kneel down to address them at their level, it helps build the trust needed to try to verbalize what they want or how they feel. Waiting while they find the right words can seem slow at times, but is worth it for their development.

Sometimes children this age also need help in coming up with ideas for how to solve the problem in a win-win way. We talked through all of this in less than five minutes (their attention span may be short too). Then after agreeing to a new way to resolve the situation, off he went. I later hear both of them talking nicely with each other. Another lesson discovered by the child.

So problem solving step-by-step in this instance looks like this:

1. The child's expectation was A, the situation provided B instead. The child attached upset emotions to the gap. The gap between expected and actual is the problem.

2. With young children it takes some time to gather the facts that might occur much faster with older children and teens. Gathering information helps to define the problem and understand the assumptions involved.

3. Identifying the root cause of the problem in this case is pretty easy. Teen sibling acted differently than expected. 5-year-old got frustrated with that outcome.

Since we cannot control the behavior of others, and can only control how we respond, the options to fix this are pretty straight forward.

4. He applied the intervention in this case by tell the sister that "I don't like it when you tickle me when I am trying to play with my toys. Please do not do that." If the child were older, perhaps they could negotiate a tickling session later when done with the toys. Ha ha. Teen sibling apologized, and agreed not to tickle during toy playing time, while suppressing a giggle.

5. Problem solved. Conflict resolved.

Socratic question-based discussions

How can we develop a series of questions to lead them in their own discovery of particular principles? I found a cool website that gave an example of this in teaching kids binary math. Rick's site is called The Socratic Method: Teaching by Asking Instead of by Telling
by Rick Garlikov

It has a fascinating example of  teaching elementary kids how to do base-2 math. How to read binary code is hard enough for most adults, and Rick teaches this class how to do it with some pre-planned questions that lead the children to the next conclusion. Great example.

This can be applied to leadership too, and I'd like to come up with a specific application.

Have the child report on what they saw that day

Have the child tell you about any examples of good character or leadership they saw today. Depending on their age and interest, you may have to give them an incentive initially.

This way you can monitor what they are aware of as they grow and see their capacity increasing.

Your consistent interest in this can make an impact on them too.

Kids are good at watching examples around them. This exercise helps focus their attention in a particular area.

Great question for the adults trying to teach kids

A guide to teachers states, “A skilled teacher doesn’t think, … ‘What will I teach today?’ but rather, ‘How will I help my students discover what they need to know?’”

So for adults trying to teach kids leadership, instead of "What will I teach them today?"

A better question is "How will I help my children discover what they need to know?"

Teach Kids How to Deal With Stress Effectively

Never take counsel of your fears. ~ Stonewall Jackson

Definition: Stress is an array of responses to change, challenge, or a perceived threat. The way the body attempts to adapt and cope with demands.

• Positive Stress energizes, invigorates, and motivates.
• Negative Stress tires, depresses, and demotivates. Negative stress is dysfunctional.

Interestingly, physiological stress response is the same for both positive and negative stress. Our bodies increase adrenaline, and increase blood pressure. Your perception of it can affect your level of stress reaction.

Sources of Stress: much of common everyday stress comes from the following.

• An accumulation of minor irritants
• The fast pace of life events
• The nature of the school or work environment

Which of the following affect you or your child?
• Time: deadlines, increased workload, insufficient resources
• Change: new position, new assignment, new demands, anticipation of change, uncertainty about abilities
• Relationships: lack of control, threat to status, loss of acceptance by peers/leaders
• Financial, family, social responsibilities or setbacks
• Life events: divorce, separation, birth/adoption, illness in family, death in family
• Physical: weather extremes, temperature extremes, excessive noise, sleep deprivation, chronic pain,
excessive travel
• Psychological: fear, worry, perfectionism, guilt, anger

Symptoms: stress manifests through physical, emotional, and behavioral symptoms.
• Physical: muscle tension, headaches, upset stomach, fatigue, rashes, teeth grinding, chest pain,
pounding heart
• Emotional: depression, anger, frustration, irritability, low self-esteem, apathy, impatience,
powerlessness
• Behavioral: change in the inhabitants, increased smoking, changes sleeping habits, inability to
concentrate, drug or alcohol abuse

Handling Stress Effectively
Recognizing symptoms in yourself and your people is the first step. Use your stress energy wisely. Safeguard your health from adverse effects of stress.
• Make better use of time and energy
• Clarify goals
• Make a plan
• Make a to-do list
• Break large tasks down into manageable sub-tasks
• Pace yourself
• Prioritize
• Improve relationships
• Develop networks with peers
• Use active listening
• Make a stand on important issues
• Respect yourself and others
• Practice being assertive
• Be gracious, but firm
• Accept, don't judge
• Ask for advice
• Find both a physical and psychological escape that you can use during the day
• Alter your outlook
• Use humor
• Try something creative
• Ask “Will this matter, a year from now?”
• Build stamina
• Exercise daily
• Stretch every muscle systematically each day
• Eat less
• Eat natural
• Eat nutritious
• Substitute fruit and vegetables for sugar
• Drink water in place of coffee alcohol
• Practice relaxation techniques daily
• Relax before going to bed
• Get enough sleep (kids need 8-10 hours)
• Develop a hobby that is relaxing and fun
• Eliminate stressors
• Develop resiliency
• Improve short-term coping
• One proactive way to reduce the performance impact to negative stress and overcome fear is to help your followers have confidence and believe in themselves. Ensure they have the know-how and skills
so they can regain their confidence.
• Constantly upgrade your self confidence and courage.
• Negative stress is fatiguing. Fatigue brings out the worst in people. Help people overcome fear by teaching them to visualize success.

Understand the human dimension and anticipate people’s reactions to stress, especially to the stress of change. However, if you think about stress and its effects on you and your followers ahead of time, you’ll be less surprised and better prepared to deal with and reduce its effects.

In particular with children, they often do not realize they are stressed, and act out subconsciously. The adult may have to identify or help identify the source and suggest effective countermeasures.

Teach Kids the Pareto Principle, the 80/20 Principle

The adult in the young leader's life should read Richard Koch's book on this subject. Look it up on Amazon.com. Here are the key questions I got from him. These questions can help a child learn to look for the imbalance in more situations.

Note: 80/20 is a snap-shot, a static breakdown of causes at any one time, not a movie, or changes over time. See systems thinking for behavior over time.

• What minority of (causes/inputs/efforts/insights) exert the majority of (effects/outputs/results/rewards)?
• Which vital few things are most important above the trivial many?
• Where is the predictable non-linearity or imbalance?
• Where are cause and effect not linked equally?
• Which 20% of causes produce 80% of the results?
• Is 80% of a phenomenon associated with only 20% of a related phenomenon?
• Rather than trying to address the whole range of issues, which are the most important? [crucial question for leaders]
• Focusing on results first, which are disproportionately large? Can we trace these back to the inputs?
• What are the relationships between outputs and inputs?
• When deciding where to apply mass versus economy of force, where is the situational 'center of gravity'? [This is an application of the principles of war as applied to leadership]
• How can we reallocate resources disproportionately towards the 20% of inputs that produce 80% of the results? Which of the 80% inputs can resources be taken from to increase the 20%?
• What can you do to improve the 80% of underperforming inputs that contribute only 20% of the results?
• What hypothesis about the imbalance of inputs and outputs do you have? Can we estimate this factors intuitively or impressionistically?
• How can we celebrate exceptional productivity?
• How can we be selective rather than exhaustive?
• Personally, are we doing the things we are best at and outsourcing the rest?
• How do we generate the most money with the least expenditure of assets and effort?
• How can we reduce the inequality of output and reward?
• How can we reinforce the parts of the organization (people, resources, etc.) that generate the highest results (surpluses for the organization)? [not really a kid question]
• Conversely, how can we facilitate dramatic improvements in the parts of the organization generating low or negative surpluses? If not forthcoming, stop expenditure on these resources.
• How can we isolate where we are really making profits?
• How can we simplify or reduce complexity in the organization (because complexity uses higher proportions of resources)? How can we reduce the cost of complexity?

Richard Koch notes that complexity slows down simple systems and requires the intervention of managers to deal with the new requirements. Complexity is interesting and rewarding to managers. It is often tolerated or encouraged until it can no longer be afforded. This is an interesting observation about leadership and helps reinforce the distinction between managing and leading.

Maslov Pyramid Perspective on Kids (if we don't meet their needs someone else will)

The Maslov Pyramid. I forgot where I originally got the basic descriptions of each level. I added the leadership perspective to each.

• Physiological Needs
• After getting food and water, remember that sufficient sleep is important for any age for best peformance an many arenas including leadership. West Point spent a good bit of time drumming into leaders in training that the leader has to have enough sleep to make good decisions.
• Safety Needs
• Security of their body, their family, their health, their property (their belongings) is the next level of need. Let's assume this is taken care of. 
• Martial arts can help provide a degree of control over safety.
• Security of morales is included here. Shelter from weather is also included. They should be safe to move on to bigger and better things. Sleeping exposed to the weather and other people changes the way you function. Besides, chattering teeth from cold rain prevents you from sleeping much anyway.
• Love/Belonging Needs
• This includes emotional intimacy, closeness, and caring for family, friends. It includes being a part of groups. We humans need to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance, whether it comes from a large social group, such as clubs, school/office culture, religious groups, professional organizations, sports teams, or small social connections (family members, mentors, close friends, confidants).
• It can help to fill this need from home, so the child is not as needy for acceptance from other groups. 
• Effective leaders tend to have strong relationships with others.
• Esteem Needs
• All humans have a need to be respected, to have self-esteem, self respect, and to respect others. People need to engage themselves to gain recognition and have an activity or activities that give the person a sense of contribution, to feel accepted and self-valued, be it in a talent, hobby, or life's work. Imbalances at this level can result in low self-esteem or an inferiority complex. People with low self-esteem need respect from others. They may seek fame or glory, which again depends on others. It may be noted, however, that many people with low self-esteem will not be able to improve their view of themselves simply by receiving fame, respect, and glory externally, but must first accept themselves internally.
• People with low self esteem need to work on themselves first. Low self esteem makes effective leadership all the more difficult.
• Aesthetic Needs
• Goals can provide the motivation to realize your own best potential. This level includes creativity, spontaneity, problem solving, etc.
• Self-transcendence
• Near the end of his life, Maslow determined that there was another level on his hierarchy that was above self-actualization: self-transcendence. “...may be said to be much more often aware of the realm of Being, to be living at the level of Being… to have a “plateau experience” and to have or to have had peak experience with illuminations or insights or cognition which changed their view of the world and of themselves, perhaps occasionally, perhaps as a usual thing.” 
• He stated that the achievements and success of his offspring were more satisfying than the personal fulfillment and growth characterized in self-actualization.
• Service can do this too, which is why I recommend it for budding young leaders in other posts.

Reading Partner/Mentor Questions

Have the child read a classic. Then discuss it with them.

• What did you find most useful?
• How can you apply it?
• Use a Socratic Dialog

Susan Wise Bauer suggests the following book questions in her 2003 book.

• What ideas do you disagree with? Why?
• Is this book an accurate portrayal of life?
• Did you sympathize with any characters? Which ones and why?
• What is the author's take on the human condition?
• What questions is the author asking?
• Does the evidence support the link between the questions and the answers?

Regardless of the questions you use, read a book together and discuss it together. Children love spending time with you up until about age 13. Use that time wisely. Leverage what is already captured in our literature.

Accountability Questions

Gary Keller wrote about these questions in a 2004 book. They were intended for real estate agents, but I found them just as good for an adult coaching a child. I mixed them in with the Deming Cycle (PDCA).



Plan

• What was your goal?

Do

• How did you do? (What happened? Discuss What Worked and What Didn't)

Check

• How do you feel about that?

Act / Adjust

• Based on how you did, what is your goal now and what do you need to do now?
• Is there anything that might keep you from doing that?
• If you needed training or support to do this, what might it be?

Watching Example of Others and Having Discussions for the Child to Process What they Saw

For adults coaching children to notice leadership demonstrated by others, the following questions can help spark discussion between the adult and the child.

• What is the leader doing that they should continue doing?
• What is the leader doing that they should improve in some way?
• What is the leader not doing that they should begin doing?
• What is the leader doing that they should stop doing?

Behavioral Styles - What I've learned over the years that seems to work

The following chart shows the typical personality types and how leaders can influence them. People are more complex and these are just general tendencies that do not apply with every person. Also, depending on the person's life stage, they may have moved from their primary and backup type to develop their other two types (typically in middle age). This chart can provide ideas, but with people there are no formulas that work all the time.

Behavioral Style Summary

Labels	D (red)	I (yellow)	S (white)	C (blue)
Behavior	Direct and Self- Contained	Direct and Open	Indirect and Open	Indirect and Self- Contained
Emphasis	Dominance: Shaping the environment by overcoming opposition to get results	Influencing Others: Shaping the environment by forming alliances to get results	Steadiness: Cooperating with others to carry out the task	Compliance: Working with existing circumstances to promote quality in products or services
Theme	Notice My Accomplishments	Notice Me	Notice How Well Liked I Am	Notice My Efficiency
Pace	Fast	Fast	Slow and easy, relaxed	Slow, steady, methodical
Priority	The task	Relationships	Relationships	The task
Focus	Results	Interaction, Dynamics of relationships	Building trust and getting acquainted	The details, the process
Irritation	Wasting time, touchy-feely behavior that blocks action/results	Boring tasks, being alone	Pushy, aggressive behavior	Surprises, unpredictability
Behavior when Angry	Autocratic	Attacking	Acquiescing	Avoiding
Make effort to be:	Efficient	Interesting	Cooperative	Accurate
For Decisions	Give options and probabilities	Give incentives & testimonials	Give guarantees and reassurances	Give facts, details, & documentation
They Question	What it does & by when	Who else uses it	How it will affect personal circumstances	How it works, how you reach your conclusions
Specialty	Being in control	Socializing	Support	Processes, systems
For Security	Relies on being in control	Relies on flexibility	Relies on close relationships	Relies on preparation
Let them save	Time	Effort	Relationships	Face
For Acceptance	Depends on leadership skills, strives to be a winner	Depends on playfulness	Depends on conformity, loyalty and helpful nature ("to have friends, be a friend")	Openly show concern and appreciation of others
Needs climate that	Responds	Collaborates	Processes	Describes
Support their	Conclusions & Actions	Visions & Intuitions	Relationships & Feelings	Principles & Thinking
Measures personal worth by	Results, track record, power	Acknowledgement, recognition, applause	Attention from others	Precision, accuracy, and progress
Follow-up with	Results	Attention	Support	Service
For Growth needs to	Listen	Check	Initiate	Decide
To be more flexible, needs to	practice active-listening; pace self to project a more relaxed image; develop patience, humility, & sensitivity (concern for others' needs); use more caution; verbalize reasons for conclusions; identify with a group; be aware of existing sanctions	control time & emotions; develop an objective mindset; spend more time checking, verifying, specifying, organizing; Follow-thru; concentrate on the task; take a more logical approach	Say "no" occasionally; Attend to completion of tasks without oversensitivity to others feelings; Be willing to reach beyond their comfort zone; take risks; Delegate to others	Occasionally try shortcuts & time savers; Try to adjust more readily to change and disorganization; Work on timely decision-making and initiating new projects; Compromise with the opposition; State unpopular decisions; Use policies as guidelines only
Sign on Desk might read:	Do it now!	Why Not?	My space is your space!	Put it in Writing!
Environmental Clues	Decor suggests power and control; Seating arrangement is closed, formal, non-contact, positioned for power	Likes contact: may move to new seat when talking to you; Decor is open, airy, friendly	Seating is open, informal, conducive to building relationships; Decor is relaxed, open, soothing; Walls may contain personal slogans, serene pictures, or momentos	Decor is functional and working; Seating arrangement suggests formality and non-contact; Walls may contain charts, graphs, or pictures pertaining to job

Adjusting Leader Style to Personality Types

 There are several good books on personality types. I have found DISC and Red, Blue, Yellow, White to be an effective model for interpersonal interactions in sales, leadership, and parenting.

 I particular liked one book that called the four types red, blue, yellow, and white and gave examples of kids in a class room that were pretty funny. We've used this concept with our own children to adjust our communication style with them to approach them in their 'comfort zone'.

I never much liked the Myers Briggs type system because it is too complex to easily apply and teach to others. The other system I liked is DiSC (just like the color codes).

I've known some people that get all bent out of shape when I explain this to them. They feel like I'm trying to label them. I don't recommend it for labeling, but rather for helping figure out a way forward with peers, teachers, other adults, etc. for your child. It provides an imperfect model that is better than no model. It highlights tendencies with a broad brush so you have to adjust. But thinking ANY leadership model is free from problems is silly in my mind. The old military rule of thumb that "No plan survives first contact." applies just as well to the plans of mice and men. We use these models to get ideas about what to do next, but in the dance of real life, the choreographed moves often fall by the wayside. So some have asked me, "then why bother planning at all?" Because it is the planning that gets you mentally in the frame of mind to adapt quickly when reality shreds your plan. OK, off my soapbox.

Keep in mind that children do not settle on a personality type quickly. We started to see tendencies that suggested a particular type or two before the age of 8, and had each child pretty well figured out by age 12. It doesn't always help, but it can help adjust if you are a red (D) and the child is a white (S), so you can slow your pace etc.

We haven't had much success trying to get the children to use this model, but we've used it to relate better with them on their terms.

Influences affecting the leadership style choice

• Forces on the leader - Their knowledge skills attitudes, experiences backgrounds, values, goals for himself, goals for the group, confidence in the employees, convictions about style and their choice of style, pressures from outside the group, time, resources, personality, sensitivity, and weight of responsibility.
• Forces on the group - Combination of personalities, values, expectations, willingness, the ability to make decisions, individual needs, the group needs, interest, competition, confidence, resources, workload, spirit, communication, and fatigue.
• Forces on the situation - Time, restraints of the organization, environment, size or duration of the job, conflict of goals, emergencies, hazards, desirability of the task, justice, legality, removal or lack of alternatives.

Trust is crucial to leadership

How does each child you lead answer the following three common questions of you?

• Do I trust you?
• Are you committed? (Do you give the time?)
• Do you care about me?

Trust is earned through integrity and competence.

Integrity

• Strive for personal integrity in every endeavor, regardless of how mundane or inconsequential it may seem
• Because small matters accumulate to shape our lives and character
• Be a person of strong, honorable character. The rewards are immeasurable.
• Inner peace and serenity from knowing you are doing right
• Absence of guilt and anxiety that accompany lesser choices
• Exercise principled judgment
• Be direct and truthful, without hedging
• Present the unvarnished truth in an appropriate and helpful manner
• Keep confidences
• Admits mistakes
• Do not misrepresent yourself for personal gain

Competence

• Build and maintain competence (knowledge, judgment, skill)
• Demonstrate competence, candor, commitment, & courage (physical & moral)
• Be credible and inspire confidence with peers and those you lead (i.e. deliver on promises)
• Follow through on all promises and commitments.
• Put yourself in their shoes and anticipate concerns and expectations. When they see that you have thought about it like they do, it helps to relieve tension
• Delegation shows trust and allows others to grow in their experiences
• Conduct one-on-one meetings with each of your followers regularly (e.g. monthly)
• Be tolerant of disagreement when encouraging input
• Communicate clear expectations and standards and let them know where they stand
• Demonstrate mature, responsible behavior that inspires trust and earns respect
• The trust threshold - the follower demonstrates the desired performance, that they can
  consistently reach the identified performance standard. Before trust is reached,
  more frequent checks are necessary. After trust reached, less frequent checks
  are needed. 

Fairness to followers

• Treat followers equitably
• Act fairly
• Have candid discussions
• Do not have hidden agendas - they can see it
• Do not give preferential treatment
• Don't scapegoat your employees. Take responsibility visibly for the decisions you make and the outcomes that follow. The blame game corrodes your credibility faster than any other act.

Teenage Decision Making

One of our teenagers just realized she could graduate from high school early because she only needs a couple of credits to meet the requirements. She's only a junior, but she's carrying a 3.9 grade point average and is mature for her age. When we parents presented a case that she may be bored sitting through high school next year only to accomplish a couple of credits and that she may want to consider starting college early, we realized we had an opportunity to apply a formal decision-making process with our daughter for such a decision with far reaching impact in her life. We talked about a pros and cons list, and we showed her some examples of the decision matrix that lists her choices and the factors impacting those choices and how she could weight each factor. Her decision is not done yet, but these tools can help her ponder her new future, clarify her thinking, make all the factors visible, and make her thinking process more rigorous. It was interesting watching her body language as the import of this decision sank in as she thought more about it. They were all normal factors like distance from home, time required for application, programs available, cost of tuition and room and board, etc. We'll talk with her more after she's had a chance to think about the impact of her various choices.

Horizontal Leadership - There are more chances to practice this type for children

Leadership in groups, teams, and cross functional situations can be referred to as horizontal leadership.

When you see leadership as a function not just of an individual, but of an entire system or organization it opens up leadership as a set of attributes that could come from any and all parts of the system. In fact, leadership is needed from all parts of the system if the organization is to remain successful in highly competitive times. From this perspective, a highly effective team or group of people expects and receives leadership contributions from every member, not just the officially designated leader. While it is possible to have too many bosses (that is, too many people unilaterally telling others what to do) and not enough followers (or doers), it is not possible to have too much leadership, meaning the behaviors needed to help a team develop and achieve its goals.

You do not need formal organizational authority to use horizontal leadership. You can seize the moment on any particular assignment. Don't waste time proposing an untested idea to your leader. Find someone to test the idea with, out of sight, where you can gather the data, do the rapid prototype work, and then go after the support of the formal management structure of the organization. Gandhi had no formal authority, but look what he pulled off. Horizontal leadership is a way of thinking, not a position. It is the ability to quickly find common ground and solve problems for the good of all. Horizontal leadership can represent your own interests and yet be fair to other groups too. It includes solve problems with peers with a minimum of noise. Horizontal leaders are and are seen as a team player and cooperative. They easily gain the trust and support of their peers. Their candid way with peers builds trust.

The term politics means getting things done through people. It is what leaders do. If you expect to get anything done, you have to become politically savvy. Politics is listening, compromising, standing your ground when necessary. It is the word that characterizes relations between humans. Some people express disdain for politics, but politics are fact of human relations and ignoring it completely can reduce your influence and leadership effectiveness. Political savvy can also mean being able to maneuver through complex political situations effectively and without a lot of noise. Political savvy means being sensitive to how people and organizations function and anticipating where the problems or 'land mines' are and planning your approach accordingly. Instead of hiding behind the excuse that you don't like politics, try seeing organizational politics as a necessary part of organizational life and work to adjust to that reality.

Leaders often need to develop networks and build alliances, engaging in cross-functional activities where it makes sense in the broader scope of partners and stakeholder organizations in an enterprise. Leaders collaborate across boundaries, and find common ground with a widening range of stakeholders at the local, regional, and even global level (if appropriate), and use their contacts to build and strengthen internal bases of support. Effective leaders tend to be knowledgeable about how organizations work and know how to get things done both through formal channels and the informal network. Seek to understand the original reasoning behind key policies, practices, and procedures.

Understand the organizational culture. Understand why groups tend to do what they do. Be able to describe a sense of the group in terms of positions, intentions, needs, what various people value, how to gain support, and how to motivate them. This cultural understanding helps you to predict what groups will do across different situations so you can be effective.

Vertical Leadership - This is not where kids typically start out

Let's call traditional hierarchal leadership vertical leadership. Most early leadership opportunities will not likely involved vertical leadership. It is about leadership in reference to an individual who is in a formal position of power such as being the hierarchical head of a group, department, or business unit and as such is more applicable to adults.

Vertical leadership often requires standing alone. It requires a leader who can and will stand up and be counted when the times comes. That leaders cannot shirk personal responsibility. Organizations of people find such leaders can be counted on when times are tough. These are often willing to be the only supporter for an idea or position. And another adult type of characteristic is that vertical leaders are comfortable working alone on a tough assignment, and even energized by tough challenges. Children are still building this capacity.

Vertical leadership needs people who enjoy leading, those who can take an unpopular stands if necessary (for example, implementing a pay for performance system according to who did well rather than just giving the same percentage of bonus to all to avoid conflict). This type of leadership may need to encourage direct and tough arguments about different perspectives, and be able to stop the debate and move on when necessary. This type of leadership is looked to for direction in a crisis, and helps the group face adversity head on.

Defining Leadership

Leadership is the art of getting people to do more than the science of management says is possible. It's all about people, how you interact with people. The single word that best captures what leadership is really all about and how you know when you have it and when you don't have it is the word trust. Leaders have to be trusted by their followers. Leaders also have to be good followers. If a leader is a good follower, then the person above you, your leader, has confidence and trust in you.

And how do you make them want to follow you? You create conditions of trust within an organization, a bond between people. The phrase, “within an organization”, is not used because what is really meant is a bond between people. So, it's all about people. People accomplish work, not organizations, not plans, not strategies. People. People are the most valuable resource any leader has. Leaders maximize the productivity of others. Leadership is the ability to influence the actions of others.

Leadership is a process of getting things done through people.
Leaders can influence people in many different ways. Different situations require different approaches. Leaders need to use a variety of leadership styles to meet different situations. Ask yourself the following questions:

• When is it appropriate to “get tough?”
• When is it appropriate to be easy going?
• When is it appropriate to let individuals or groups work on their own?

Leaders need to learn how to adapt their personal styles to different circumstances. In choosing a leadership style to meet a given situation, Leaders should consider factors such as control over how work is done, control over people's activities, and control over the development of skills and abilities in the follower.

Object Lesson for Teaching Kids Leadership — Pushing String

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Lay out a piece of string flat and straight on a table. Try to move the string across the table by pushing it. Observe what happens to the string. Then try to move the string by pulling it. Observe what happens. What lessons does the string demonstration have for supervisors as leaders?
• How do people feel about being pushed?
• Think of situations in which you have felt pushed by a boss.
• What kind of problems result from inappropriate choices of leadership style?

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There are many definitions of leadership. Persons who, by word and/or personal example, markedly influence the behaviors, thoughts and feelings of a significant number of their fellow human beings.

Dwight Eisenhower: “the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.”

Leadership involves the performance of a group. Leadership involves setting direction. Anyone responsible for group performance is a leader. When you get put in charge of a group you are the leader because you have the position. People pay attention to what you do and say because you're the leader. You're choice is whether or not to be an effective leader.

Leadership is more an art than a science. So being a leader is an adventure because you can never be sure whether you will reach your goal -- at least this time. The touchdown drive may end in a fumble. Or the city's citizens may not be convinced that the mayor's policies are right. So these leaders have to try again, using other methods. But they still use the same process the process of effective leadership.

You are an explorer of the human mind because now you are going to try to learn how to get things done through people. This is one of the keys to leadership. Leadership differs with the leader, the group, and the situation. Every leader deals with two things. The job and the group. The job is what's to be done. The "job" doesn't necessarily mean work. It could be playing a game. It could be getting across an idea. A leader is needed to get the job done. If there were no job, there would be no need for a leader.

The group is the people who do the job. And in many cases, the group continues after the job is done. This is where leading gets tough. You can always tell when a leader succeeds, because:

1. The job gets done.
2. The group holds together.

Almost anybody with a whip and a mean temper can get a job done. But in doing it, they usually destroy the group. And that's not leadership. The group must survive and thrive too. An effective leader, then, must be alert at all times to the reaction of the members of the group; the conditions in which he may find himself; and be aware of his own abilities and reactions. Leadership involves helping others succeed. It is getting a job done with a group and holding the group together too. It is putting people, things, time, and effort together to accomplish a task. It is influencing others toward good and worthy goals.

The new leader is accountable for many organizational procedures that folloers may not have to consider. These may include daily reports, monitoring time and attendance, budgeting, work orders, transmitting management directives and bulletins, and a host of other types of information.

Leadership is an attribute needed by all organizations and from all individuals in them. This idea of shared leadership, which views leadership as distributed throughout organizations, goes beyond the traditional view of leadership as unilateral influence by a single heroic leader. Leadership is to inspire and develop people (self, other individuals, team, organization) as you mobilize them toward goals.

Problem Solving

Leaders persevere. Leaders go after everything with energy, drive and a need to finish. Effective leaders rarely give up before finishing, especially in the face of resistance or obstacles.

Problems are a package deal with change, so leaders will see plenty of them. All human organizations need people who can take care of problems. Pointing out problems is easy in comparison to solving them. Don't let the child get this confused. Complaining is not a constructive act. Identifying the problems is only the first step in the process.

Help your child think about and practice proposing workable solutions to the problems they point out. Find opportunities to let them lead the fix if needed on smaller scale problems to build their capability.

An organization’s results are simply an accumulation of the results of individual people.

Model assuming ownership of problems so the child can see an effective pattern. Let the solutions start with you, so they will later start with them.

Values

Your values influence behavior because people use them to decide between alternatives. You have the power to influence organizational values by setting the example and recognizing behavior that supports those values.

You are the ethical standard bearer. Understand and be personally committed to the values of the organization in which you work.

Set High Expectations

Effective leaders don't aim for the minimums as goals. On the other hand, everything can't be the number one priority. A leader must exercise judgment concerning which tasks are most important. Followers are sometimes required to perform many tasks that are not critical to stakeholders. While some of these are extremely important, others require only a minimum effort. Striving for excellence in every area, regardless of how trivial, can quickly work a team to death. On the other hand, the fact that a task isn't a first priority doesn't excuse a sloppy performance. Competent leaders make sure the expectation fits the task's importance.

Giving children opportunities to lead

We have had family activities where each child is assigned a particular role to perform. When the 5 year old and 8 year old are assigned the role to lead the teenagers, the supportive environment of family can help them take on these roles with helpers, and gain experience standing in front of a group to lead them in an activity.

If you do not have a large family, then find a church or other type of youth group that can provide youth leadership opportunities. If when you visit such a group if the adults do all the leading and do not use the opportunties to train a youth, then this is not the place for your little leader. Move on.

Another thing to look for in groups of youth is the opportunity to stand and speak in front of their peers. If everyone has to take a turn at somepoint, the rotating nature of the assignment assures that teasing is kept at a low level or they realize that what comes around goes around. This sort of speaking may be stressful for some children, and this provides an opportunity for caring adults in their lives to help them practice away from the group, and to reinforce their belief in themselves. If they are very little when doing this, like my 5 year old, the adult can also stand by their side and whisper in their ear if they forget something. This helps them learn they are capable.

Flying small aircraft is similarly stressful for adults. We take off, turn, fly, adjust instruments, with the sure knowledge that if we really blow it, the instructor pilot will jump in and take over before disaster strikes. The instructor pilot may even take over altogether for the landing because the consequences are so severe for failure.

As children have adult 'co-pilots' standing by for the little mistakes, knowing they will take over if they make a huge mistake, this can help them gain confidence to eventually 'fly solo.'

The Paradox of Service to Others

Providing service to others without renumeration can initially seem like it is only for the receipient of the service. Yet as we serve another, we realize we are benefiting, perhaps even more than those we are serving.

Boy Scouts builds a love of service while still young. Adults in the lives of children can similarly build a love of service of others into the characters of those future leaders they are molding.

Even if service is given only from a sense of duty, a lesser motive than wanting to help others, a service still gets done in an area of human need. Additionally, the service has an impact that upon even a small amount of reflection will begin to tilt a person towards seeing the benefits of serving our fellow mankind.

Such service strengthens our character too.

There are stories in the press about Doctors helping others after natural disasters, of lawyers doing pro bono work for those who would not otherwise be able to afford it.

We all have abilities we can periodically share with others. We charge for our valuable services most of the time, and yet offering it periodically without payment helps lift us all.

With a child, it does not have to be something dramatic like arriving with chainsaws, rakes, and gloves after Hurricane Katrina, although that turned out nicely for teenagers. It can be as simple as making dinner for someone else who is sick. Even younger children can help in the preparation and go with you during the delivery. They watch our every move. Show them service.

Producer or Consumer of Leadership?

As I sat in a class that someone one else was teaching recently, it struck me that in the USA we have been steeped in the ethos of consumerism all of our lives and that the person that produced the class I was consuming at that moment most surely spent more energy in preparation than I did. It made me wonder if we get used to being passive consumers rather than active producers.

In terms of leadership training, especially for kids, there is not much content already produced that we can readily consume even if we have plenty of financial resources to purchase any program. So we are forced by circumstances to spend the additional energy required to produce our own program, materials, activities, practices, etc. To me it is somewhat reminiscent of homeschooling.

We have homeschooled some of our children and all of them have spent time in public schools. This blog's scope is not about the rightness or wrongness of either choice, but we definitely noticed that sending them back to public school gave us extra hours because we delegated some of their schooling analysis, design, development, implementation, and evaluation to the teachers employed by our city. We enjoyed homeschooling too, but it took far more effort to produce homeschool for our children to consume than it took us to send them to consume what the public school produced.

So this brings me back to leadership training. If there is no easily pre-prepared program, then we have to develop or produce our own. This may be daunting to some, so perhaps I'll have to develop modules they can consume with a lower available energy 'budget'. It feels like homeschooling all over again, with the exception that there are not as many prepared programs to draw upon, to cull through to get ideas about what I want to teach and do not want to teach our children. Additionally, with skills it takes doing it to improve (pyschomotor domain). With some of our homeschooling, it was primarly knowledge (cognitive domain). Leadership also includes attitudes (affective domain). Each of these areas require a different approach.

Additionally, leadership is a complex set of interactions between attitudes, skills, and knowledge. Somehow we have to teach the children the theory of it so they can predict outcomes and correctly intervene as needed, and we have to set up opportunities for those Ah ha! moments where they discover the interrelated connections for themselves and thus keep those lessons in the active portion of their memories. It is by failing early and failing often, with leadership anyway, that young people can quickly gain an understanding of what works and what doesn't.

So my point in this posting is to say that we must build our expectations for a higher level of energy expenditure if we are to teach our children leadership. For we must be producers, active, creating. Today, there can be no easier path of passive consumerism for this end.

So why should anyone take on the challenge of leadership?

In a general sense, leadership is about people creating opportunities to develop skills that will positively impact the lives of everyone. Leadership skills are used everyday, by everyone, at our workplaces, with our families, in our communities.

When you think about it, leadership skills constantly need improvement. To succeed. To help others. To create a better world for all of us. Creating opportunities for you and others. To learn about, teach, and practice leadership skills. Exchanging ideas, participating, and contributing. Connecting with peers,
professionals, and mentors. To share information, knowledge, and experience. Creating an impact. Today and in the future.

The prime objective of effective leadership for for-profit businesses is to improve the business results of the company. Effective leadership creates business value. In today’s economy, customers prize value. They will pay for value. They will not pay for any action or activity that contributes to overhead without contributing to value. If you cannot justify your overhead to your customer, they will not buy. That is their right, just as it is the business leader's obligation to eliminate those actions that contribute to waste—the opposite of value. Effective leaders create more satisfied employees; satisfied employees create more satisfied customers; and satisfied, loyal customers create higher profits. Effective leadership helps retention of high-impact employees. In good economic times, many organizations find themselves fighting a war for talent to keep their key, highly talented people from leaving to pursue new opportunities in other companies.

Every day provides more experience with real people and real situations that provide you with opportunities to improve your skills. The value that effective leaders have the capacity to contribute to a company improves their career too.

As you build your leadership talents and resources, you increase your capacity to provide value to organizations within your community or region. Both companies and communities are energized by the leadership of committed individuals who go beyond typical thinking, are able to understand issues and challenges at the strategic level, and can take action to do the things that most need doing.

"[The] future cannot be predicted, but futures can be invented… The first step of the technological or social inventor is to visualize by an act of the imagination a thing or state of things which does not yet exist… He [or She] can then start rationally arguing backward from the invention and forward from the means at his
[or her] disposal until a way is found from one to the other."
— Dennis Gabor, Inventing the Future (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1964)

What is the Payoff for the Hard Work of Leadership?

Leadership is hard work. After getting into a leadership role, some new leaders begin to realize how much
they don't know or how hard the leadership task can be, and they sometimes wonder why am I doing this? What is the payoff? What is the benefit?

Surveys show that people like leading because of the following reasons:

• To make a difference
• I want to influence others
• Leading is required by my position
• Nobody else was willing
• I feel I am skilled at leadership
• I enjoy the tasks that leading requires
• I want to make sure the right thing gets done.
• I want to lift others up
• I want to make a difference
• Personal challenge and satisfaction
• It's exciting to create positive change
• I get great satisfaction from doing it
• I have learned that my natural instincts have good impact upon those that follow me.
• I see the opportunity to help those who wish for direction. I also enjoy making decisions and influencing others as well as the business.
• I want to make a change to the world in which I work and live
• I appreciate diverse contributions from others it provides me with overall ability to effectuate my goals
• People are infected by my enthusiasm and follow my lead
• I want to create value and influence processes
• I feel compelled to move the project/ activity/ strategy forward for the good of the organization
• People want to be led by leaders who provide strength, inspiration, and guidance, and will help them grow and achieve their best.
• When a leader directs their organization to stand for something good, the members are dignified, and can be elevated above their own self interest to a higher purpose outside themselves, worthy of commitment, giving additional meaning to their individual lives and energy to their collective purpose.

Why do leaders around you do it? Which of these resonate with you? Which can you talk with a child about at their level?

Encouragement for single parents

Teaching leadership to children can be difficult even when there are two parents working together to teach the child.

If you find yourself as a single parent getting tired, hang in there. Your efforts are in a good cause.

You may be tired, wondering how you could fit anything else into your day. Serving your child by teaching character and leadership can actually generate energy for you.

Another option is to include a friend in your journey to mentor your child.

As part of your team of adults you enlist to help you train up your child in the way he or she should go, consider an older retired person who held a leadership role in their day. Ask them to help you periodically. I'll bet they'd be glad to help build up another future leader with you.

Ask a person in a current leadership role in your community to tell you and your child how they got started.

• Clergy
• School principle or teacher
• Fire station chief
• Law enforcement Sergeant or Lieutenant
• An active duty or reserve military comissioned or non-commissioned officer (both fill important leadership roles for our armed services)
• A sports coach at the next level
• A local entrepreneur that has employees (ask the local Chamber of Commerce for ideas)
• A manager from a for-profit or non-profit organization in your area
• A local Boy Scout or Girl scout leader or district commissioner
• A project leader for Habitat for Humanity (they lead volunteers to build houses together)

These are just a few ideas. Just remember that you don't have to do all the lifting by yourself. Enlist a team of people to help you develop a future leader out of your child. Use ideas from this blog or from other resources on the internet. If you have the desire and give a little bit of effort regularly you'll be ahead of people with many more resources that don't make the effort. No matter what the outcome, your child will enjoy the time spent with you. So you've got nothing to lose by trying. Have fun and let us know of your successes.

Confidence

Leadership requires confidence. From adults leading a child, and for a child working to become a leader. Collective confidence is the sum of the confidence of the individuals in the group. Confidence has been described by some as the simple and sure knowledge that each member of the group is capable, that they belong to a solid, competent group that knows where its going and what it has to do.

Success of the leader means that followers have:

• confidence in their own ability
• confidence in the ability of others in the group
• confidence in the available tools, equipment, and resources
• confidence in their leadership

Effective leaders act confidently. The leader's attitude sets the tone for the entire group, and you choose your attitude day-to-day, task-to-task, even minute-to-minute. Remember that optimism, a positive outlook, and a sense of humor are infectious. This is especially true when you must make unpopular decisions and face the challenge of bringing the team on board.

So kids preparing to be leaders need adults around them to help them develop their talents, so that talents performed well bear the fruit of confidence. Be careful of efforts from any that attempt to separate the result of confidence from the initiating action, strong performance.

The amount of confidence leaders possess affects the way they do their job. Lack of confidence in themselves or their followers may result in over supervision. I have seen this happen with predictable consequences so many times. In contrast, confidence begets appropriate delegation with less direct supervision. Close supervision can be good where the aim is to develop employees, but may retard the development of initiative, so vital for long term successful results. Interestingly, this idea applies to adults in the lives of a child future-leader.

Introduction for those new to leadership

To accomplish goals, organizations of humans rely on the leadership skills of their members in leadership roles. Effective leadership is vital to the efficiency and productivity of the organization's efforts.

It is also the most important factor in the quality of working life for employees. Survey's have shown a person's immediate supervisor is the single most important influence on worker satisfaction and productivity. It's more important than money, and more important the working conditions.

New leaders face a challenge when they take on responsibility for the work of others. They find themselves playing new roles and adjusting to new relationships.

This blog takes the view that leadership is effective or ineffective, for those are things that we can measure, not good or bad.

This blog is not going to make you or a child an effective leader. You are not going to find a few simple rules to become an effective leader. If leadership were as easy as that almost everyone would be an effective leader. The only rule of thumb is: it all depends.Leadership differs with the leader, the group, and the situation.

• Leaders are all different. No leader can takeover another leader's job, and do it the same way.
• Groups are different too. When a leader changes groups, they changes the way they lead. Leadership is a function of the group. Because without the group there's no need for the leader. You learn leadership best by working with groups. That is something like learning swimming best by getting into the water.
• Situations differ too. The same leader with the same group must change with conditions. All situations are different. Leadership actions that work in one situation may not work in another.

As swimming is a matter of coordinating separate body movements into a pattern to effectively move the whole body through the water, so leadership is a matter of coordinating separate skills and attitudes into patterns that will achieve effects desired by the group and its leader.

Because leadership is also learned experientially, this blog is really only a reference or a partial map. The ideas herein must be tested with other people to find out what works best for you.

The arts of communication and thinking are designed as a means for action. Application of this knowledge to the real world is essential. No training is complete, nor even particularly valuable, unless a student uses what they've learned. So, read this blog with an eye toward application.

Things won are done, joy's soul lies in the doing. ~ William Shakespeare

Learning by your own experience is good, but it's more efficient to learn from someone else's experiences and build on it. If you allow it, this blog can teach you lessons without the pain of repeating certain mistakes yourself.

Who cares about leadership?

You may wonder what leadership has to do with kids anyway. Don't they have enough to do? Why try to teach them leadership too? Who cares about leadership anyway?

Well, here is my take on why it is important.

• I've had bad leaders during my life and they make life miserable for everyone around them. Let's not have your child grow up to be one of them. The only upshot of this path is that someone may learn what NOT to do based on their performance. Some bad leaders are just a benign annoyance. Some create so much stress around them that people leave the organization. Others are menacing. If we will always have this struggle between the effective and the less effective, between light and the dark, then we will always need a generation of those willing and able to step into leadership roles.

• Our world seems to gain more problems as we go, not less.We will likely need leadership to help solve these problems going forward.

• When leaders are good, the people benefit. I give you George Washington as an example. What if he had decided he liked power and took up the offer of those who wanted him to be a king over us? Where would America be today?

• On the spectrum between anarchy on one end, and totalitarianism on the other end, I'd prefer the middle. For that to happen, we need leaders. Anarchy does not need them. Totalitarianism only needs one. In the middle of this crucial continuum we need many leaders.

• Organizations get more done more effectively and efficiently with effective leadership.

• Fast growing organizations have found that leadership talent can be a constraint on their growth. They tend to need new leaders badly.This has been my experience.

• Hopefully we will not have conflict leading to war, but since the history of the world so far has had warfare, it is important to note that historically the success of armies is largely influenced by the leadership of those armies.

• "May we ever remember that the mantle of leadership is not the cloak of comfort but rather the robe of responsibility."¹ Responsibility seems to almost always have empty slots needing leaders to step up and assume responsibility. We cannot afford to have leaders who abdicate their responsibilities. Who will assume the responsibilities in the future?
  

• Families need leadership from the parents. Parenting is leadership, perhaps even the most important kind. Communities need leadership. Nations need leadership. Who will fill these roles if not the children? Our generation won't be here beyond their allotted time slot, so let's teach the another generation what we've learned before we're rendered less effective by the deterioration of age.
  

• Somebody is influencing our children. They are always paying attention to what is happening around them. Peer pressure is a big thing at certain ages, going through the belonging phase of Maslov's pyramid. Why not have your children influence their peers more than vice versa?
  

• Teaching is leadership. We need teachers who selflessly lead the children to want to be better, to want to learn, to want to develop, and to transmit to them a lifetime desire to learn. This makes mankind better. It makes the experiences of life better.
  

• I've been a apart of some organizations where the organization was collectively energized and moving forward fast. I've been in other organizations where the collective whole seemed as close to having no heartbeat as I've ever seen. The difference seemed largely a difference in leadership. Where one group's leaders did just enough to get by, until the year was done and they could pass the baton on to another. Another group seemed energized, got others involved in key projects, accomplished much change and results. The differences were stark. The leadership was the main factor that differed. Our children will grow up to be a part of organizations and groups. How will they lead?
  

• A person's immediate supervisor is the single most important influence on worker satisfaction and productivity according to many HR studies these days. It's more important than money, and more important the working conditions. Organizations do well or pay a price in turnover based on the quality of their leadership.

So there are some thoughts about why we should care. The next question is what will we do about it?

¹ Thomas Monson

The Well Trained Mind

Another superb book on teaching children is called The Well Trained Mind by Susan Wise Bauer. We read this when doing home school with some of our children. I recommend it.

Habits of Mind from Project 2061 - Great stuff!

There is a fantastic book called Science for All Americans that talks about what to teach children. I recommend buying the print version and adding your own notes. However it is also online and can be used for free in your efforts to teach your child. The scope of this work may seem unconnected to leadership, but I would argue that science skills are good for leaders too. My formal training was in Engineering and I always enjoyed science. This book is great for helping to plan your approach. They really thought it through well.

The same group also publishes another book called Benchmarks that is also available free online

I linked to the Habits of Mind section directly because it most directly links to leadership. You can explore the rest of it on your own.

In describing habits of mind as values and attitudes, they state:
Throughout history, people have concerned themselves with the transmission of shared values, attitudes, and skills from one generation to the next. All three were taught long before formal schooling was invented. Even today, it is evident that family, religion, peers, books, news and entertainment media, and general life experiences are the chief influences in shaping people's views of knowledge, learning, and other aspects of life. Science, mathematics, and technology—in the context of schooling—can also play a key role in the process, for they are built upon a distinctive set of values, they reflect and respond to the values of society generally, and they are increasingly influential in shaping shared cultural values. Thus, to the degree that schooling concerns itself with values and attitudes—a matter of great sensitivity in a society that prizes cultural diversity and individuality and is wary of ideology—it must take scientific values and attitudes into account when preparing young people for life beyond school.

Similarly, there are certain thinking skills associated with science, mathematics, and technology... and I would add leadership that young people need to develop during their school years. These are mostly, but not exclusively, mathematical and logical skills that are essential tools for both formal and informal learning and for a lifetime of participation in society as a whole.

Taken together, these values, attitudes, and skills can be thought of as habits of mind because they all relate directly to a person's outlook on knowledge and learning and ways of thinking and acting.

Then this excellent site goes on to list great ends that we should teach to the children by age ranges typically associated with schools in the USA.

Teaching 5 year olds - Great article from Scholatic

While pondering other ways to help teach my 5 year old, I found this great article by Scholastic.

The key points that apply to teaching leadership are listed below:

Toddlers imitate what they see, preschoolers try hands-on trial and error, and kindergartners tap language and abstract thinking skills to solve problems. That gives a nice summary of a child's abilities up until 5, don't you think? Our experience validates this.

The article states that 5- and 6-year olds' problem-solving skills include developing their ability to tolerate frustration. Five- and 6-year olds will take time to observe and identify the problem, try out a few solutions, and draw a conclusion. So, we can offer more difficult challenges to them than younger children.

Learning to think abstractly is an essential part of developing problem-solving skills.

• Five- and 6-year olds become more adept at thinking about a solution to a problem without actually trying it out.
• Cognitively, they're able to imagine and think through a problem and its solution with less hands-on experience.

IF this is correct, THEN we can do thought experiments with them and tell stories of others working out problems.

Strong language skills are essential to abstract thinking - and 5- and 6-year olds are often very verbal. They're able to explain their thinking and can expound on their ideas in great detail.
IF true, THEN ask the child to tell about their idea for solving a problem before they do it to help them make a plan. After they do it, ask them to check if the problem is solved. If not, ask how they will adjust to solve it. This pattern is called the Deming Cycle or PDCA (plan, do, check, adjust).

With stories, 5- and 6-six-year olds can now suggest possible solutions to a character's problems. So, pause during stories when a character faces a problem, and ask how the child would solve the character's problems.

They also enjoy creative-thinking activities, such as brainstorming all the ways to use a familiar object.

5- and 6-six-year olds have an increased awareness of other people's problems. So tell them hypothetical or real problems and ask how they would try to solve them.

They need a lab to practice problem solving, so create a supportive environment in which the child can regularly explore materials and discuss ideas.

Encouraging the child to try new approaches - and congratulating all their efforts - helps them develop the confidence to experiment without fear of failure.
Leadership requires a higher than average degree of confidence be built up in the child through adulthood.

Allow children the space and time to work through their frustrations. Support their attempts at solving problems by asking open-ended questions that guide them to focus on possible solutions. It is crucial for future leaders to develop their own problem-solving abilities rather than too much reliance on others.

Guide children to create abstract representations of their concrete problems. Do children have an experiment to do? Talk about it, draw it, write about it! This helps them develop higher-level abstract thinking as they record their ideas and accomplishments.

This article provides age-specific strategies that although were aimed at teachers, can be used by adults in the child's life to teach them.

The impact of economic downtimes on teaching kids leadership?

How does what is described in the following article impact teaching kids leadership?

How a New Jobless Era Will Transform America

What is age appropriate for teaching kids leadership?

0-8 years old
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• Build strong character 
• Watch the examples of adults around you
• Opportunities to practice their own budding decision making.

9-11 years old
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• Decide how you want to be and begin becoming that person
• Demonstrate and continue to build strong character
• Develop your talents
• Create something
• Live according to your values or principles
• Participate in a service project with a trusted adult
• Participate in Cub Scouts or Brownies
• Learn the language used by leaders 
• Learn how to solve problems and make decisions  
• Learn to read body language  
• Learn who you trust to do what they say
• Learn about consequences of choices people make

12-13 years old
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• Demonstrate and continue to build strong character 
• Practice leadership opportunities
• Feedback and coaching
• Plan and carry out an activity with friends
• Set two personal goals and follow through on them for at least two months
• Participate in Boy Scouts or Girl Scouts, set goals and follow through for meeting the requirements for rank advancement
• Learn advanced problem-solving and decision-making skills
• Experience the consequences of forgetting important things   
• Practice problem-solving and decision-making in a group of peers and individually
• Begin to build others trust in you that you will do what you say and follow through
• Develop your talents, get good at something
• Learn what good judgment is and begin to apply it
• Learn how to communicate effectively and apply it in leadership practices
• Follow wise counsel
• Set a good example

14-15 years old
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• Demonstrate and continue to build strong character 
• Influence peers more than you are influenced by them 
• Practice problem-solving and decision-making and talk over the results with an adult you trust
• Find opportunities to get things done with a group of people (ask an adult to help locate these opportunities)
• Talk confidently with adults
• Teach a group of peers a concept or skill for 10-20 minutes
• Learn how to delegate
• Effectively use body language to reinforce your messages
• Practice good judgment 
• Practice positive, uplifting, and encouraging communication. Avoid trust-corroding sarcasm.
• Seek out and accept greater responsibilities in Boy Scouts or Girl Scouts
• Watch over younger children and uplift them
• Ensure delegated tasks are understood, supervised, and accomplished.

16-17 years old
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• Demonstrate and continue to build strong character 
• Influence peers more than you are influenced by them
• Be aware of ethical and moral dilemmas and make right choices to strengthen your character
• Stand your ground and choose not to participate if those around you choose to reject or violate correct principles or your values
• Balance confidence and humility
• Participate in at least two service projects
• Lead, or aid in leading, a service project
• Practice independent problem-solving and decision-making 
• Practice delegation
• Demonstrate good judgment 
• Teach peers and younger children in some form of organized activity
• Demonstrate adaptability because things rarely go according to plan 
• Exercise leadership in Boy Scouts or Girl Scouts, 
• Propose solutions to adult leaders in problem-solving
• Help those you lead learn to govern themselves
• Be willing to be presided over and accountable

18 - 21 years old
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• Demonstrate and continue to build strong character 
• Actual leadership opportunities followed by reflection and coaching
• Volunteer roles in leadership 
• Journal writing about experiences
• Give a persuasive speech or talk to a group of people about a subject
• Practice independent and interdependent problem-solving and decision-making
• Become effective at delegation 
• Learn how to hold people accountable for their commitments and how to talk to them when they don't follow through
• Build competence in a professional vocation
• Anticipate when emotions may fray and encourage as needed
• Know human nature and how to leverage it and counter it where necessary
• Search for correct principles and align with them
• Influence events rather than let circumstances happen.
• Make sound and timely decisions, taking advantage of fleeting windows of opportunity
• Seek opportunities to lead under trying conditions
  
  • Learn to reason and anticipate in trying conditions
  • Learn how people tend to behave differently in trying conditions
  • Develop team spirit through shared hardship
  • Learn how to plan in unfamiliar situations
  • Counteract fear by building competence and confidence
• Give those you lead more challenges and responsibilities as you think they can handle them, give them more when they show they are ready
• Find ways to be in the presence of great people and learn from them

24+ years old
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• Study leadership from the example and writings of more effective practitioners and apply what you learn
• Learn what not to do from examples of ineffective leadership around you 
• Practice listening
• Build trust with your team and with sponsors or organizational leaders - it goes both ways
• Demonstrate and continue to build strong character
• Formal refresher training and application opportunities
• Paid roles in leadership
• Volunteer roles in leadership
• Ask followers to commit, and follow up to help them grow
• Ask for more responsibility
• Identify talents in others, pick a project team of complementary skills
• Help others succeed
• Look for leadership mentors, understudy your current leader
• Ask
• What is happening?
• What is not happening?
• How can I influence the action?
• Sincerely care about those you lead, commit the time and effort to know them, understand what makes them tick, and learn what is important to them
• Develop a high tolerance for ambiguity and uncertainty
• Keep your team informed, and explain your decisions when conditions allow

30+ years old
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• Attend Graduate school
• Teach and coach others how to lead
• Create a possible future in your mind's eye that is clear, precise, vivid, then communicate that vision enthusiastically to other people
• Validate people one-on-one
• Know yourself and seek improvement from formal institutional learning, field experience, self-development, personal study, and professional reading
• Study leadership from the example and writings of more effective practitioners and apply what you learn
• Reflect often and write in a leadership journal your lessons learned as you grow in experience and capability
• Respect people's right to choose, avoid force or intimidation
• Develop those you lead to improve organizational bench strength
• Express adequate and specific appreciation

35+ years old
---------------

• Study leadership from the example and writings of more effective practitioners and apply what you learn
• Teach others how to develop leaders
• Teach and coach others how to lead other leaders and coach them for improvement

40+ years old
---------------

• Share what you have learned about leading people with another generation

Character Development - How do we grow strong character and help children do the same?

IF character is influenced by our background, religious or philosophical beliefs, education, and experience, THEN character development is a complex, lifelong process.

We can help build a child's moral and ethical character by modeling the way we want them to act. We can teach by example, and coach along the way. When we hold ourselves and any children in our stewardship to the highest ethical and moral standards, we reinforce the values or principles those standards embody. They spread like the ripples from a pebble dropped into a pond.

Ways to help develop strong moral and ethical character include:

• IF James Allen's statement that we are, "the master of thought, the molder of character, and maker and shaper of condition, environment, and destiny." is correct, THEN help them know that what we do and what we think about determines what we are and what we will become. We let them know they are the builder.
• IF habits build character, THEN we can encourage the children to build good habits of thought and model such good habits of thought (manifest to the child by our actions).There is no faking it with kids. They see right through adult hypocrisy, whether fleeting or constantly on display.
• The Boy Scout motto is Be Prepared. IF character is revealed, not developed in moments of great challenge or ethical/moral temptation, THEN we can encourage their preparation before the inevitable tests that will come. 
• IF strong moral character results from consistent correct moral choices in the trials and testing of life, THEN adults can help guide the child to those correct choices before 8 years old and help them use their own values and their faith as a guide from 8 years of age and on. 
• Although early childhood may need more guidance, as they pass 12 years of age, it may be more effective to allow what Scouting used to call Guided Discovery--a method of letting the child make the decisions and only stepping in when their choices risk significant negative impact. 
• Have them observe others and discuss.
• IF the types of choices the child makes form their character, THEN another way adults can help 8-year-olds and up is to point out not only the positive moral or ethical choice and its impact on their character, but also to point out the corresponding negative choice and its negative impact.Waiting until 8 is a capacity issue. Children tend to have more capacity from eight and on.
• IF decision making is choosing from among alternatives, THEN to develop the child's budding decision-making, they need to understand both the yin and the yang, the good and the bad, the positive and the negative so they can choose between them. 
• IF the child's choices determine how their "movie of character development" will play out for the remainder of their lives, THEN because we are developing leaders, we need to nurture their their own capacity to make good choices.
• IF the child is to grow, THEN adults can gently and patiently encourage children to make the ethically and morally right decisions, but those choices must not be all prescribed by adults. 
• IF their decision making process is aided when the child can ponder, pray, and exercise faith to willingly make choices consistent with their values, and IF this type of personal decision making sets the foundation for later effectiveness in leader roles, THEN adults can provide just enough guidance to lead the child aright, in what Chaos theory calls initial conditions.
• IF overbearing adult behaviors can delay the child's character development, THEN adults bear a duty not to weaken the child's growing character.
• IF character is grown slowly, THEN teach and model patience. IF what Isaiah taught in ancient times is correct, "For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little." THEN there is no immediate 'download package' of character, The Matrix movie notwithstanding. 
• Adults can help children grow plants to see growth unfold slowly over time and use that as a discussion point for likening it to character growth.
• IF the landmarks on the character development journey include correct principles and values, THEN adults can teach and model that living in congruence with your values and such principles brings personal peace, and internal harmony. 

Character Development - How do we measure our current character?

To improve something it helps to measure it. So awareness can be the starting point. We can obtain a snapshot-in-time measure of our character.

• IF character is a process of becoming...
• IF we're not dead yet, so our character is changing...
• IF character development is a process of flows of positive and negative inputs, building up as a reservior...
• By the way, systems thinking calls this a process of flows and stocks. For a good book on this look at Thinking in Systems, by Donella Meadows. This way of thinking can make a big difference in how we approach character development.

• IF we tend to radiate what we are daily... IF others can see our character clearly even if the view is in our own personal blind spot for now, 
• THEN if character building really were flows of water into a tank, the walls of the tank would be clear to everyone else and somewhere between translucent and clear for us depending on our awareness and focus.
• IF a means of measuring character includes our behavior... 
• IF our persistent thoughts, those we ponder repeatedly, radiate out of us as our actions, speech, and physical demeanor... 
• and IF this is especially true during times of opportunity and stress...
• IF a measurement opportunity is our response to our own appetites and impulses when they are aroused...
• IF the company we like and keep reveals our character...
• IF the approval of our own conscience is also a measure...
• We can use the imagery of Jiminy Cricket in Disney's Pinocchio as a visualization of conscience if it helps. 
• In the 1950's David O McKay made this comment that seems just as relevant today, "To have the approval of your conscience when you are alone with your thoughts is like being in the company of true and loving friends. To merit your own self-respect gives strength to character."

Indeed, IF we have established that character can be measured like a photograph snapshot in time, although the process of character development is more like a movie.
And IF what can be measured can be improved...


THEN what do our measures of character indicate right now? Of ourselves? Of the child?

THEN no matter how uncomfortable such measurements may make us, what does the data tell us about needed improvements? Although human nature is to pretend there is nothing wrong with us, nothing lacking, what does the measurement data reveal? Data-driven often yields better decisions than emotion-driven ones.

THEN looking at where we currently are and where we want or need to be, we can see the gap and make plans to bridge it. Although human nature may cause feelings of being overwhelmed or depressed by what we see in the measures, there is opportunity. For without awareness, we cannot address it. Being awakened allows us to see what we've become and improve.

By measuring the variance between the should be and the actual state of character, we can see if there is a gap or variance between the two (meaning room for improvement) and make plans to begin our internal renovation project.

Character Development - What is character anyway so kids can develop it?

Let's look at character through a series of IF-THEN questions. For example IF character is defined as xyz, THEN how does that impact a person's ability to lead others effectively?

IF we describe character as our nature (in its current state), what we have become thus far in our life's journey...

IF it is as dictionaries call it:

• the inherent complex of attributes that determines a person's moral and ethical actions and reactions.
• the aggregate of features and traits that form the individual nature of some person or thing.
• moral or ethical quality

IF character is the manifestation of what we are becoming, a snapshot in the movie of life that hints at future scenes.

IF character is as James Allen states in his 1902 book called "As A Man Thinketh" that "A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts."...

THEN what is the impact of character on leadership?

The US Army's leadership training describes the influence of character in leading as follows, "Character helps you determine what’s right and motivates you to do it, regardless of the circumstances or the consequences. Since leaders seek to do what’s right and inspire others to do the same, leaders must be concerned with character development."

With the many examples of ethical and moral lapses with business leaders from 2000-2010, it also becomes clear that a leader's character has a huge impact on ethical decision-making when faced with a dilemma. Enron's collapse showed that concern over the consequences kept the key leaders from acting ethically.

So IF character is closely tied to leadership, THEN perhaps we can do more to help children develop a strong character before their dilemmas arrive to test them.

Character Development - Fairness as a character trait

Let's discuss fairness as a character trait. Leaders who do not have fairness in their character may show favoritism, regard or judge with partiality, being a respecter of persons with their first thought to weigh who a person is. The character trait of fairness on the other hand, means first of all not to be a respecter of persons. This means having just and equitable dealings with all people. Judging accountability of all by the same standard, not favoring one party. It means to be free of favoritism. The United States Declaration of Independence states "all men are created equal." This document is an expression of moral values. Not being a respecter of persons is so important to effective leadership that the United States Military Academy at West Point requires all first-year cadets to memorize Worth's Battalion orders.

"But an officer on duty knows no one - to be partial is to dishonor both himself and the object of his ill-advised favor. What will be thought of him who exacts of his friends that which disgraces him? Look at him who winks at and overlooks offenses in one, which he causes to be punished in another, and contrast him with the inflexible soldier who does his duty faithfully, notwithstanding it occasionally wars with his private feelings. The conduct of one will be venerated and emulated, the other detested as a satire upon soldiership and honor."

~Brevet Major William Jenkins Worth

West Point asks all cadets (leaders in training) to not only memorize this concept, but to apply it. This is the essence of fair. This is the meaning to teach a child that someday may need to lead others.

Another way to reinforce this idea is to consider being on the receiving end of partiality. It could be frustrating, and would degrade the trust you felt in the leader behaving so.

The trait of fairness also means that any gain is earned without fraud, cheating or stealing. This is straightforward enough.

Although some have begun to look at this trait of fairness and to argue that it must mean a leader ensuring equal results to all who put in any effort, this line of thinking violates the Pareto principle, otherwise called the 80/20 rule. Juran called it the rule of the vital few. Zipf called it the principle of least effort.

The 80/20 rule means that a small number of causes, inputs, or effort usually leads to a majority of outputs, rewards, or results. It identifies a pattern of systematic and predictable lack of balance in the world. Richard Koch's book The 80/20 Principle states that understanding the 80/20 principle gives you great insight into what's really happening in the world around you.

This principle of imbalance is seen so regularly in so many types of endeavors. For example, 20% of the sales people earn 80% of a company's results. The actual percentages may vary somewhat, but the point is the efforts of a few get more results than many others in the same role. So is this fair? Not if you mean all the sales people get the same pay. How would that be fair to the few who bring in so much of the organization's results? It may be easier, but not fair. Fair would be that they all get the same commission structure. Fair would be that they all are held to the same standards. Imbalance in results is a pattern of life, validated by many (read Koch's book). We are indeed all created equal in dignity and human worth, but not equally in ability, talent, persistence, etc.

Be careful how you teach fairness to children. Indoctrination in a particular political persuasion is not character development. Most people thought the world was flat at one point in time. How did this belief help them navigate? Align with truth as you discern it. Someone once warned not to confuse the scaffolding of theory for the building of truth. The scaffolding moves around as we learn more about the world. The building doesn't move.